md: only count actual openers as access which prevent a 'stop'

Open isn't the only thing that increments ->active.  e.g. reading
/proc/mdstat will increment it briefly.  So to avoid false positives
in testing for concurrent access, introduce a new counter that counts
just the number of times the md device it open.

Signed-off-by: NeilBrown <neilb@suse.de>